1. |
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|
Try to meet someone for romance.
That's when the buying and selling really gets intense.
What's my value?
You want to hear that I'm perfect.
I can't be like you. I have to be better.
Oh man. I have to just be chill.
You don't want me. You want someone's who's chill.
I have to not think too much, not say the wrong thing.
Just whatever you want. I can't fuck up. Pass the screening.
And then finally maybe you'll accept me, except you won't.
You'll tolerate me. You'll judge me.
I passed your inspection, but not quite.
I'm on like probation. The test period. Gonna try me out.
But, you'll trade me in. You'll return me.
You bought me on sale, and I was kind of bullshitting.
And you're going to return me. And what can I do?
Say: Oh well. That's okay!
Everything is what can I do for you.
What's the cost? What's my cost-benefit analysis?
I have to sell myself to you. Sell myself to you.
Look you in the face and say: Yeah of course.
Whatever you want my dear.
It'll be fun, right? Let's have fun.
Doing the things that you want to do that you think are fun.
And I'll be what you want me to be, right?
No. Of course not. Of course not. Of course not.
What do I really want? What do I really want to?
I want to pass out for hours for days, next to you.
That's it. Maybe I feel uncomfortable, unsafe.
Maybe I hate you. Maybe we hate each other.
Pass out. Our bodies together, breathing.
Eyes closed, resting. Being okay in the moment.
Is that so hard? Almost impossible to get to that.
Suck on the waste. Become nothing.
|
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2. |
NEM 2 (Nullification)
04:45
|
|||
|
You don't have to be nice to me.
And why would you be nice to me if you don't have to?
No one's forcing you.
Wouldn't it be better to be really shitty to me so I can what you want?
Then to be nice and fake it?
Better to scare me.
Better to make me afraid and walk on eggshells.
I don't want to make you angry.
People don't like it if you won't engage them.
Or maybe you do engage them, but they can't get to something.
Boundaries. Boundaries. I don't know what he wants.
He just wants me to figure out what he wants?
He has to give me.. to tell me something.
And I say okay, but I don't agree with it.
And I say politely that I don't agree.
And he has to argue with me. He has to argue with me.
And I'll answer and I'll explain,
but he can tell that my mind isn't changed.
He has to change my mind by force.
So he has to be mean to me. He stops being nice to me.
People don't have a concept of you as a person with integrity
and boundaries and things that you're not supposed to do.
People don't like that. They want to lord over you.
They want to know everything that's there.
To compare themselves.
They don't want to fall short or come up short.
So they're only weapon at the end is to be really mean,
and shitty and hurtful. They have to hurt you.
Take pieces out of you.
|
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