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NEM 1 (Trash Compactor Fantasy)

from Nature Exchanged for Money by Izumi Capxul Gould

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lyrics

Try to meet someone for romance.
That's when the buying and selling really gets intense.
What's my value?
You want to hear that I'm perfect.
I can't be like you. I have to be better.
Oh man. I have to just be chill.
You don't want me. You want someone's who's chill.
I have to not think too much, not say the wrong thing.
Just whatever you want. I can't fuck up. Pass the screening.
And then finally maybe you'll accept me, except you won't.
You'll tolerate me. You'll judge me.
I passed your inspection, but not quite.
I'm on like probation. The test period. Gonna try me out.
But, you'll trade me in. You'll return me.
You bought me on sale, and I was kind of bullshitting.
And you're going to return me. And what can I do?
Say: Oh well. That's okay!
Everything is what can I do for you.
What's the cost? What's my cost-benefit analysis?
I have to sell myself to you. Sell myself to you.
Look you in the face and say: Yeah of course.
Whatever you want my dear.
It'll be fun, right? Let's have fun.
Doing the things that you want to do that you think are fun.
And I'll be what you want me to be, right?
No. Of course not. Of course not. Of course not.
What do I really want? What do I really want to?
I want to pass out for hours for days, next to you.
That's it. Maybe I feel uncomfortable, unsafe.
Maybe I hate you. Maybe we hate each other.
Pass out. Our bodies together, breathing.
Eyes closed, resting. Being okay in the moment.
Is that so hard? Almost impossible to get to that.
Suck on the waste. Become nothing.

credits

from Nature Exchanged for Money, released June 27, 2021

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Izumi Gould Tokyo, Japan

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